I am not normally a proponent of hating on Microsoft, mostly because I think much of the hate they get for design decisions is simply because people do not take the time to understand how Microsoft’s new widget of the month works and why it works that way. I also think it is largely pointless. All Hardware Sucks, All Software Sucks once you really start to dig around under the hood. That and Microsoft doesn’t really give a shit about what you want and why you want it. If you are an enterprise customer they have you by the balls and you and Microsoft both know it. You are just going to have to deal with tiles, the Windows Store and all the other consumer centric bullshit that is coming your way regardless of how “enterprise friendly” your sales rep says Microsoft is.
That being said, I cannot always take my own medicine of enlightened apathy and Stockholm Syndrome and this is one of those times. We had a Windows Update get deployed this week that broke about 60% – 75% of our fleet, specifically Internet Explorer 11. Unfortunately we have a few line-of-business web applications that rely on it. You can imagine how that went.
Now there are a lot of reasons why this happened but midway through my support call where we are piecing together an uninstallation script to remove all the prerequisites of Internet Explorer 11 I had what I call a “boss epiphany”. A “boss epiphany” is when you step out your technical day-to-day and start asking bigger questions and is so named because my boss has a habit of doing this. I generally find it kind of annoying in a good-natured way because I feel like there is a disregard for the technical complexities that I have to deal with in order to make things work but I can’t begrudge that he cuts to the heart of the matter. And six hours into our outage what was the epiphany… “Why is this so fucking hard? We are using Microsoft’s main line-of-business browser (Internet Explorer) and their main line-of-business tool for managing workstations in an enterprise environment (SCCM).”
The answer is complicated from (my) technical perspective but the “boss epiphany” is a really good point. This shit should be easy. It’s not. Or I suck at it. Or maybe both. AND that brings me to my rant. Why in the name of Odin’s beard is software deployment and management in Windows so stupid? All SCCM is doing is really just running an installer. For all its “Enterprisy-ness” it just runs whatever stupid installer you get from Adobe, Microsoft or Oracle. There’s no standardization, no packaging or no guarantee anything will actually be atomic. Even MSI installers can do insane things – like accept arguments in long form (TRANSFROMS=stupidapp.mst) but not short form (/t stupidapp.mst) or my particular favorite, search for ProductKey registry keys to uninstall any older version of the application, and then try to uninstall it via the original .MSI. This fails horribly when that .MSI lives in a non-persistent client side cache (C:\Windows\ccmcache). Linux was created by a bunch of dope-smoking neckbeards and European commies and they have had solid standardized package management for like ten years. I remember taking a Debian Stable install up to Testing, and then down-grading to Stable and then finally just upgrading the whole thing to Unstable. AND EVERYTHING WORKED (MOSTLY). Lets see you try that kind of kernel and user land gymnastics with Windows. Maybe I just have not spent enough supporting Linux to hate it yet but I cannot help but admire the beauty of apt-get update && apt-get upgrade when most of my software deployments means gluing various .EXEs and registry keys together with batch files or PowerShell. It’s 2016 and this is how we are managing software deployments? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here.
- “IEAK can’t handle pre reqs cleanly. Also ‘installs’ IE11 and marks it as successful if it fails due to prereqs”
- “Dittoing this. IEAK was a nightmare.”
- “IEAK worked fine for us apart from one issue. When installing it would fail to get a return from the WMI installed check of KB2729094 quick enough so it assumed it wasn’t installed and would not complete the IE11 install.”
- “It turns out that even though the IEAK gave me a setup file it was still reaching out to the Internet to download the main payload for IE”
- “I will never use IEAK again for an IE11 deployment, mainly for the reason you stated but also the CEIP issue.”
And that’s the supported, “Enterprise” deployment method. If you start digging around on the Internet, you see there are people out there deploying Internet Explorer 11 with Task Sequences, custom batch files, custom PowerShell scripts and the PowerShell Deployment Toolkit. Again, the technical part of me understands that Internet Explorer is a complicated piece of software and that there are reasons it is deployed this way but ultimately if it is easier for me to deploy Firefox with SCCM than Internet Explorer… well that just doesn’t seem right now does it?
Until next time… throw your computer away and go outside. Computers are dumb.